Not Every Frog You Kiss Turns into a Prince!

The Feng Shui of Dating.

I’m not much of a dater. Never have been. I usually know within the first 5 minutes if you’re the person I’m going to marry. This eliminates lots of time spent wining and dining me and getting to know each better.

One day a friend of mine, an author of books on attracting love and dating suggested I re-frame my notion of dating. She said that perhaps dating didn’t have to feel like an energy drain, but could actually be fun! I didn’t know what could be fun about sitting across a table from a guy that you know you’re never going to marry, you’re never going to sleep with, and you’re never going to kiss-if I want a gourmet free meal, I can go home to my parents. My mother is an excellent chef!  

Nevertheless, one night while I was experimenting with this new possibility, I went to a friend’s art openings and met Frank. He was nice and cute, but extremely short. He said he was documentary producer and a tutor on the side. I got this strange feeling about him that I can’t really explain. Since I was donning my new attitude I decided that I’m not going to assume I know everything.

We set a date and time. We were to meet at a nice Thai restaurant in Santa Monica for lunch. I wore my new pink sweater with tight jeans and an adorable blue hat that framed my face. I was excited and I liked this new feeling of not placing a label on Frank. I noticed my mind wanting to go to its familiar place of “OK, so what’s the hit? Is he the soulmate?” But instead I said, “I won’t go there, at least not until after the date.”

As I was looking for parking, I got a call from Frank. “Hey, listen, I’m on my way. I was in such a rush leaving the house that I left my wallet at home and I’m already so close, would you mind covering for me?” I thought about this for a moment. The old me would say, “That’s OK, I’ll wait for you. Why don’t you turn around and go home and get your wallet.”  But this was the new me, so I said, “Oh no problem.”

I’ve always had men pay for me, so I was stretching myself here. The newness of my attitude was refreshing, but simultaneously I was experiencing nausea creeping up in my belly. When I got to the restaurant, he was already there-sitting on the side of the table that had the widest view of the entire room, up against the wall, and in Feng Shui that would be known as the “commanding position.” It’s basically the power spot. He didn’t ask me where I wanted to sit-so I sat right in front of him, with my back exposed to all the traffic of waiters walking by and customers being seated at their tables.  For a Feng Shui practitioner, or anyone who is hyper attuned to their environment, it’s a very uncomfortable position. Not to mention it’s not very courteous of Frank! Here’s how the rest of the date went:

Frank: Hi, so nice to see you.

Frank doesn’t get out of his seat to greet me.

Inessa: Sorry I’m a few minutes late. I was looking for parking.

Frank: Oh, ya. Listen, do you have $2 in quarters. I parked at the meter and like I said, I left my wallet at home.

Inessa takes out two dollars from her wallet.

Frank takes the money and runs out of the restaurant. While Inessa sits and waits she becomes increasingly more and more irritated and decides to make herself more comfortable by switching seats and taking Frank’s place. Frank comes back into the restaurant.

Frank: I don’t get it.

Inessa: You don’t get what?

Frank continues to stand with his mouth gaping wide.

Frank: Why did you take my seat?

Inessa: Well, as you know, I practice feng shui-the art of placement- and I was feeling very uneasy sitting with my back to the door.

Frank: Nice one.

Inessa: I can move back if you’d like.

Frank: That’s fine, but just this time.

They look through the menu and order. There is a tense silence. Inessa occasionally taps her glass with her fork.

Frank: You know, in my house, I always got the chair with the best view.

Inessa: Really, well in my house we had this thing called chivalry, and the men honored the women.

In a nutshell, I learned that new paradigms are fun to try out and it’s always a good idea to stretch yourself and your beliefs and have more expansive flexible ways of thinking. However, in this situation, the red flags were apparent from the first moment I met Frank when I had a strange feeling.  I want to acknowledge myself for trying something new and taking a risk. I still believe that the greatest knowing comes from within. Even if a book or a friend tells you to so something doesn’t mean that you should go out of your way to do things that don’t feel natural. I don’t believe we are all made equally-some of us are more attuned to our intuition then others, and when we are ready, then the right partner will show up and we don’t need to do things that we don’t like in order to make it happen. For example, it could happen in the store, at the gas station, and most likely it will happen where and when you least expect it.