Have you ever woken up and your chi is at an all time low? Have you felt stumped like, what the heck am I down about? I was fine yesterday!
Well sometimes there’s an accumulation of energy over night while you are sleeping that needs to get released. Sometimes there is an accumulation of energy over the course of your life that needs to get released- energy backed up from emotional blocks originating from all kinds of trauma-things that happened in the past, or you thought happened that you never really dealt with.
It feels funky.
There may not even be a story or a memory attached to the feeling. You just feel bad/low/down/ dreary, whatever word you want to describe the experience of your chi descending into the dumps.
So what do you do?
Do you drink your coffee run to the gym, hide under the covers, sulk, call your best friend and complain, listen to Esther Hicks, recite positive affirmation, dive into your work, call in sick? Do you find that none of it helps, or it helps only a little?
So what now?
It’s actually simple, but we don’t often do it.
First, notice the feeling: the density, the blah, the contraction, the heaviness. Don’t judge it. Watch it. Feel it. Allow it to move.
Allow it to pass. Let it go.
All feelings are energy.
All energy wants to move up and out.
Judging, fighting it, ignoring it, created the block to begin with.
Last September, I travelled to Georgia for a 10 Day silent Vipassana meditation retreat. All distractions were eliminated. No phone, TV, books, writing or talking. No other forms of meditation or prayer were allowed. I was asked to simply watch and observe, as the sensations moved through my body.
One might think that with the elimination of all these distractions, it would be easier to dive deep down and find stillness.
Nope. Wrong.
Why?
Because the mind is the greatest entertainer. At least mine is. Perhaps that’s why I haven’t owned a TV in 20 years.
At first, all I could think about was sex. Then my thoughts morphed into the inflammation I was experiencing around my belly from all the soy products I was eating and how no one wold want to have sex with me when I came home because I was soy inflamed.
If that wasn’t enough, I started imagining all the funny things I would tell people after the retreat about the retreat. All this to amuse myself. All this not to be present.
The facilitator reassured me it was all normal an urged me to refocus on my breath and keep observing the sensations. This was the path to clearing the karma- the backed up emotions.
I must admit I had a few truly peaceful and blissful moments.
Like two.
The majority of time was struggling with just letting the intense feelings be. I found myself doing the same thing I’m always doing in my life: not allowing myself to have my experience. Arguing with myself. Berating myself and trying to change what I’m experiencing. Then feeling guilty for why I can’t transcend my negativity.
I mean, come on, I’m a spiritual woman and I have the power to shift my experience!! This is what I’ve learned from so many sources. But so many of those sources failed to mention that the experience shifts once it’s expressed. Once its fully experienced.
And all I need to do for that is get out of the way.
After the retreat was over, I watched as people stared at me wide eyed, in disbelief that I could spend 10 days in silence. I felt like there was an expectation, like I was supposed to say something profound. Something enlightening.
I never did break through to a “next level” of consciousness, or move into the 5th dimension, or astral travel, or have a Kundalini awakening. All very cool experiences, but really unnecessary in my opinion to feel truly free.
The few times I felt free, there was a deep peace. A lightness. There were no fireworks. It was simple. Bland. Some might classify the experience as boring.
What really happened was that at the end of the journey I grew a new muscle. The allowing myself to feel whatever is there muscle. I stopped trying to figure out where the heaviness was coming from, what experience, trauma, past life, family pattern or whatever its source was. Like every muscle it requires strength training so it doesn’t atrophy.
The experience was tough. Sometimes painful. And I would do it again. I’m doing it now. As I write. I’m trying to do it every day.
You don’t need to go into the mountains for 10 days.
Just let it up. Just let it go.
Learn to sit with yourself and feel. There will never be a good time. So do it now.
Let the energy express itself. Your’e truly worth it.
As always, Love, Light and Good Fun Shway for Your Journey!
Inessa
